Moving onward and UPWARD!

My problem with this bogging game is not that I have nothing to say - it is that I have too much to say and I am too scared to say it. . .i dont want to hurt anyones feelings now or in the future, i dont want to say something that might get back to the wrong people. . . i dont want anyone to not like what I say.

Dumb dumb and dumb so I have started a new blog - this one has a purpose and I am setting myself a more realistic goal.

One blog a week starting tonight! Wish me LUCK and please read. . .head to

www.fiveyearsfromtoday.blogspot.com

TTFG (tata for good)

HHHmmmmm

Cant really think of much to say BUT i want to start writing this more often! So this will be a short one.

I read something I liked yesterday -

"Words have wings - so say nice things"

It is so true and yet so many of say the bad stuff more often. But I thing I have noticed for a long time but really hit me the last couple of days is we suck at listening to the nice things. New Years night I looked pretty cute if I do say so myself - well at least I felt good about myself!

All night my friends (girls too but mostly guys) were complementing me on my hair, or my top, or other assets. And I was far more uncomfortable about this then if they had been having a go at me about something. Why is that?? Why can't I just say "Thanks!" and take it for the positive comment it is. Instead I have change the subject or leave the room because I get shy. We are strange creatures us women!!

Well im off to bed now - so TTFN

Here's to 2010!!

Let's hope it is the best year for us all! I having a feeling it is going to be pretty AWESOME!

I have had another busy week - but if you asked me what I have been busy doing I don't think I could tell you. Boy just takes up so much of my time, in a good way for the most part. He is just more and more fun everyday and is already like my best friend (but I think he thinks Rae is his best friend - they are such "Buddies" those too).

Last night was one of my top three new years nights (equal to a beach party on Maggie Island and a new yrs in Time Square NY). It was just a bunch of mates, a bbq and a few drinks (not for me but the others!)

These friends are more like family than friends though! And I feel so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. Life is not about the money you make, the job you have, or even the places you go - but about the people you meet along the way, especially the ones you keep for the length of it. Mushy I know but I credit my doing ok this last year to the people that held my hand along the way.

I cant say 2009 was a bad year - Rae and I have lived in our little beach shack since Oct, Boy was born April, and I left a bad situation for a better life in February. BUT it was a fairly dramatic and life altering year. And not what I had planned for my early twenties. Though I think we made it through ok.

However, Twenty TEN (the year I turn twenty five) is going to KICK ASS! Boy will start walking, turn 1 and learn and grow every day. So I figure I should learn and grow each day too. This year I want to better myself and enjoy each moment life offers us. I've realised this last 18 months life isn't what you think it is going to be. You don't know everything when your 19 and you probably won't conquer your dreams by 25. But someone said to me this week - "Life IS the journey to your dreams" So I am going to keeping dream and I'm going to get back to reaching for them as well.

"Don't wait for your ship to come in; Swim out to it"

I am happier than I have been years and I like myself - I love my little family unit and I LOVE my baby boy! So Here's to the best year yet! May you all get wet swimming!

TTFN

Merry Christmas!

Well I FAIL at this blogging business - but I am determined to try again. Life just seems to fly at the moment, and organising yourself for christmas does NOT help!

So here I go - TAKE THREE!

Boy bought me a book for christmas (clearly being 8 months old I had to go to the shops and pick it out for him not to mention, pay for it, but it was a lovely thought of his- lol). So the book is about planning the next five years of your life, and doing so in a way that encourages you to use each day to its full potential and live the life you want - not just get bogged down with every day stuff!

Rae and I always joke about "Living our best life". A term we got from Miss Winfery herself. And some days we are really good (like the day I started writing a blog - or the day a painted half a picture for our wall) but most of the time we fail! Or at least fall way short of what we could do.

2010 is going to be a new year for me (I know we all say this every year) but over the last few years I haven't really gone in good directions. I was in a seriously unhealthy relationship (and that's the polite way of putting it). I did not thive at work or at uni like I should have and I lost a lot of the creative side of myself. I also didnt feel very good about myself for the most part. So while the last 9 or 10 months have been a busy time, leaving my partner, finding somewhere to live, having a baby, moving house again, living with a baby etc!! It has surprisingly felt a lot like a big sigh of relief - I feel like I am finding my way back to my intended path in life.

So bring on 2010! I am starting to feel comfortable about the MUM thing and am amazed every day at how much fun I am having. But I also feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in a LONG time!

Hopefully this blog gets better, along with my painting and sewing! I just need to work out how too make a bit of cash while enjoying all this creativity - stay tuned for that one lol.

I turned 24 today and I have to keep reminding myself that I have NOT missed the boat. . .if I try I can still acheive something great in this lifetime! So no new years resolutions for me - i never keep them! Instead I'm living a new life and it starts today!

Not really sure what that means but I will fill you in as I go.

Hope everyone had a wonderful christmas and that you all a safe and fun filled new years!

TTFN

Well I'm shit at this game!

Ok this is ridiculous! Every day I say to myself - I HAVE to write even a little blog today (so much for rule number 3 or was it #2, its been so long now I forget!). Even tonight I sat on the couch at 7:30 and said to myself "I have 1 hr before private practice starts - its BLOG TIME!" And here I am writing the first paragraph at 8:15! Hopeless.

I have started a blog about three time since last I posted but every time I would re-read them with plans to finish them and post it I would delete the rubbish I had written! So I am just going to write this and post it, sorry if it is more rubbish!

I would like to know what horrible joke God thought he was playing on the world when he decided babies needed to be born all gummy. Then once their tired and cranky mums had painstakingly sorted them into a good routine, got them self settling and sleeping well (not through but close) He would THEN send them teeth to cut their gums and make them cry - and most upsetting of all it would destroy the hard work and we would be back to feeding bub to sleep each nap and waking several times a night! WHY WHOULD HE DO THAT TO US MUMS? Oh and poor Boy with his sore gums.

I am currently watching Oprah's interview with Presidant Obarma and I think he is a good leader. He obviously thinks more than the last guy - in fact I think he would be an intelligent person and an interesting one to have dinner with. I think he will do good things for America and maybe even our world, but more than all of this I am jealous of the relationship he has with his wife. They are obviously best friends and I don't think I have dated my best friend since I was 16. (Hence the single part of my description of myself I guess). I didn't even really like a lot about the two last people I seriously dated. My ex and I lived with for 2 years and even when things were as good as they got with us and I loved the fun we had and I thought I loved him I didnt even like about him, such as his values and the way he looked at people and teated them.

Mrs Obama just said you have to find someone who you trust and respect and how respects you back this seems so simple! Why is it so dam hard in reality? I think my biggest problem with the last years is I haven't respected myself enough - I thought I was so lucky to have anyone want me that I didnt really stop to decide if I wanted him back. But now I know if any man wants a chance with me he has a whole new scale to measure up to. He has to be good enough for Boy - and Boy only deserves the best!

WOW - i dont know where that little rant came from. Especially since I have no desire to get involved with anyone until Boy starts school. Or something like that anyway. Life is so busy now I could find the time even if I wanted to.

Well PP has started and my eyes are stinging so 'Im out!'

TTFN

All I want for christmas. . .is my two front teeth.

So, when I decided to share my thoughts with the world, blog style, I set a few rules for myself.

1. I will write a blog everyday, short or long it doesn't matter but if I really want to help my creative juices start flowing again I need to make myself write, a lot.

2. I will not turn it to a mum thing where the only thing I talk about is Boy. I can talk about him, but I have other thoughts still, really I do.

3. I will not put pressure on myself to make it great, or even good. It is an out let for me and I don't want to be caught up trying to think of the cleverest topic to tackle today. I want more to just type away and see what comes out. I think sometimes I don't even know what's going on in my head anymore, it is such a whirlpool in there.

My blog is almost exactly 48hrs old and I have broken all three!! Other than family members (and Rae, who I count as family now - sorry Rae you are stuck with us for life!) only two other people have even read this silly blog I call my own and already I feel the pressure mounting!

Yesterday was a busy day for us, Boy and I left the house at 8:30am and didn't get home again until ten to 6 in the evening. But Boy went to bed with out any hassles at 7:20 so I could have quite easily typed a little something. However I had spent all day stressed over what to write, will it be any good, do I have anything to say. Rae reminded me that the last 12 months of my life could fill book, not to mention the first 22 years. So I went to bed mad at myself for not writing something but also trying to now narrow down the now millions of things swimming around my head.

This morning, after an amazing sleep-in until 7am I woke fresh and ready to live my best life (thanks Oprah). So in following rules 1 and 3 I was going to fail rule 2 miserably! While I have many tales to tell, some funny some sad all I wanted to share with the world this morning is that Boy is getting a tooth or two!

It is painful for the little guy (as any mother knows). Hurts me to see him hurting, hurts me too that we are back to waking 3 or 4 times each night and he refuses to sleep during the day unless I feed him to sleep (a habit I had managed to kick only two short weeks ago). But despite this I can not contain my excitement! Its just another milestone out of some many he is passing so quickly but they all as exciting as the last!

Since I'm talking about Boy, I'll just keep going! I cant help it, when someone asks how he is I launch into an epic account of his last fews days. Even when you see their face go blank and theirs eyes are screaming at me "you are boring me right now" I cant make my mouth stop. I am one of THOSE mums we all vow we wont be, that is until we have our own and suddenly realise, those mums don't mean it any more then I do - your children just consume you! And that's not such a bad thing really.

Speaking of which, yesterday I tried to explain to a friend who is has no kids, how much I love Boy. It was a fruitless exercise as you just cant put the feeling into words. I was saying things like "I love him so much, some days I think my chest will explode" and "I thought I knew love, I love my mum and dad etc but this is just a new level. I love now like I never knew I could."

Her reply was "Yeah, that's how I feel about my BF' . . .um no I don't think it is quite the same, and she will work that out when she has kids of her own - so I just smiled!

Well its been three hrs since I started writing this today and I am having a fabulous day! Boy is sleeping soundly, omelet for brunch and now I am chilling in our little house by the sea and the breeze is beautiful. Rae is cutting up material as she is all gun hoe about a sewing project she has in mind (but she can not sew) so I better go and offer any help I can. Might start a little project of my own.

Wow this post is much more about nothing than I had hoped for - but it is only post #2 so I need to remind myself NO PRESSURE!

Tomorrow's might be more insightful - but it probably wont be.

TTFN

Hmmm. . .where to begin?

Well, I am new to this whole BLOG phenomenon and I don't really know how it is going to go. Do I really have that much to say to the world? Does anyone care what I have to say anyway?

But I have grand plans of being a published author one day. My father does too, so I can take care of him in his old age - financially I mean, he will be able to take care of himself until the bitter end, when god strikes him down, and even then I except he will put up a fight (stubborn bustard)!

Anyway i digress - I don't know what sort of book I want to write, fiction, self help (not likely you have to a guru at something and I cant figure my own life out so I doubt I can fix yours), doco style, I just don't know. So I figured the best way to work towards that goal is just to start writing and see what happens.

So here goes. . . I hope at least a few of you join me for the ride and I would like to say that is so I can get some helpful feedback but really it would just feed my ego to know people were reading what I was writing!

So I guess I should give you the low down on me. . .I am a single mum of one beautiful baby boy (and that is ALWAYS the start of my description now - funny how MUM replaces even your own name so quickly) who lives in a cute little cottage by the sea with my truest friend in the world - lets call her Rae, creative aren't I Rae?

She is only one of many amazing friends, from which I could not possibly pick a BESTY (I have been undeservedly blessed in the friend department) but I do think she one of a very select few that I could live with, or that could live with me for that matter.

Of course my boy lives here too (lets call him boy). And he is such a source of joy for me. He is 7 months old and learning new things every day. Like yesterday he was standing up holding on the his play gym when he thought he would try and let go, while he only balanced there for about 15 sec he is SO proud of himself.

Why do we, as we get older, lose the ability to be content with even the smallest of our own achievements.

His face just beamed up at me with a big gummy smile as if to say "Aren't I the cleverest boy in the world Mum?" And as I typically mum would for a moment I was filled with an overwhelming sense of "My god, YOU ARE!"

Wow - I'm impressed with how easy it has been to write this much, I am ashamed however that I have read it back to myself twice now and each time I find more typos. For someone born into the computer world I am a hopeless typist and even worst speller! So I guess if nothing else this blog will help with that.

And while I have much more to say - I haven't even finished giving you all a piece of my background boy is awake and yelling for my attention. He has been awake for about 10min now so the little grizzles are about to turn into full fledged cries!

But he will nap again, so I will be back.

TTFN